异地恋要长久 就不要犯这5个错误

相比经常见面的情侣，异地恋情侣需要付出更多才能维系一段感情。想要让异地恋开花结果，有些错误绝对不能犯，一起来看看专家的建议。

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When you and your partner live in different cities — or even different countries — a lot of your energy as a couple will be devoted to maintaining your connection. You’ll send an abundance of texts, have standing FaceTime dates, and maybe mail each other a cute letter or two. But even when you do your best to stay in touch, there are a number of mistakes long-distance partners make that can lead to a breakup.

如果你和你的伴侣生活在不同的城市甚至不同的国家，你们将会花费大量精力用于维系你们的感情。你会发很多短信，用视频聊天软件约会，可能还会互寄情书。但是，即使你已经尽力维系感情，有一些错误还是可能导致分手。

While any type of relationship takes work, long-distance relationships require a little extra effort and dedication — and it has to come equally from both partners, says Boston-based psychotherapist Angela Ficken. Big issues, like not being on the same page about communication or boundaries, will definitely chip away at your connection. But small issues can have an impact, too.

波士顿心理治疗师安吉拉·菲肯说，尽管维系任何感情都需要付出努力，但是异地恋需要付出的更多，而且双方都要共同努力。有些大问题，比如没有在交流或界限上达成共识，肯定会日渐损害你们的感情。不过小问题也可能会产生影响。

Even though it’s tough, it is possible for long-distance relationships to thrive, says Kalley Hartman, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist. If you notice any of the issues listed below, find time to chat — preferably on a video call — so you can talk it out as a duo.

持牌婚姻家庭治疗师凯莉·哈特曼说，尽管维持异地恋很难，但是异地恋还是有可能开花结果的。如果你注意到你们的感情出现了下面列出的任何一个问题，找时间聊聊，最好是通过视频电话，这样你们可以一起沟通解决。

Here are some mistakes that people can make in a long-distance relationship, according to experts.

来看看专家指出的异地恋中可能犯的错误。

1. You Don’t Have Any Relationship “Rules”

你们没有制定规则

Since long-distance relationships can lead to, well, distance, it helps to go in with a clear understanding of what your LDR will look like. In order to stay on the same page, “it"s important to have open and honest conversations about what each partner wants and needs from the relationship,” Ficken says.

因为异地恋会产生距离，所以明确了解自己将如何开展异地恋将有助于缩短距离。为了让双方步调一致，菲肯表示：“开诚布公地谈一谈彼此对这段感情的需求很重要。”

That means ensuring you agree on boundaries, communication, and expectations. If you part ways without having agreed on the basics — like how often you’d both like to text or even the status of the relationship — the resulting misunderstandings and frustrations can lead to a breakup.

也就是说，你们要确保在界限、交流方式和期望上达成一致。如果你们在最基本的事项上（比如你们发短信的频率或对外公布的情感状态）尚未统一意见就离别，那么随之而来的误解和沮丧可能会导致分手。

2. You Let Other People’s Opinions Cause Doubt

你被别人的意见左右，开始质疑这段感情

"There are a lot of haters out there when it comes to long-distance relationships,” notes Samantha Newton, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker. When you’re in one, chances are your friends and family will express doubts and worries.

持有执照的临床社工萨曼莎·牛顿指出：“很多人不看好异地恋。”如果你是异地恋，你的亲友们很可能会表示质疑和担心。

According to Newton, they might suggest you date someone who lives closer or express worry that your partner will cheat. And before you know it, you’ll start to feel like they’ve got a point. While it doesn’t hurt to hear them out, these concerns are often more about them than you.

牛顿表示，他们可能会建议你和住得比较近的某人约会，或担心你的伴侣偷吃。然后不知不觉地，你会开始觉得他们说的有道理。尽管听听也无妨，但是这些顾虑通常只是他们根据自己的经历做出的判断，和你没多大关系。

"Be cautious about who you open up to about your relationships and do not allow their personal relationship preferences to place doubt in your mind about your own,” Newton says. If your relationship is happy and strong, that’s all that matters.

牛顿说：“不要随便和别人敞开心扉谈论自己的感情，也不要让他们对感情的个人看法影响到你，让你对自己的感情产生怀疑。”如果你的感情关系快乐又稳固，这才是最重要的。

3. You Don’t Have A Visit Planned

你们没有计划好下一次见面的时间

Not knowing when you"re going to see each other again can be really challenging, says Erin Dierickx, LMFTA, a licensed marriage and family therapist. It can heighten feelings of loneliness, distrust, and doubt — and it’s also just kind of a bummer.

持牌婚姻家庭治疗师艾琳·迪尔里克斯说，不知道什么时候再见面真的会给异地恋带来挑战。你会感觉更孤独，对伴侣更加不信任和怀疑，也会对这段感情感到失望。

"If at all possible, schedule when you"ll see each other next,” Dierickx says. “Even if it"s months out, having a set date provides hope for the relationship and lessens the discouragement and fear around what may happen in the coming months due to not knowing when you"ll see each other next.”

迪尔里克斯说：“如果可能的话，安排好下次见面的时间。即使是几个月后，定好时间会让双方对这段感情抱有希望，也会减少未来几个月因为不知何时再见面而产生的沮丧和担忧。”

4. You Forget To Schedule Dates

忘记安排约会

Scheduling date nights is just as important in an LDR as it is in person, so don’t let too many Friday nights go by without doing something fun. Think HBO watch parties, FaceTime dinner dates, or a long walk while you chat about your week.

面对面约会很重要，但对异地恋情侣而言，安排线上约会之夜也同样重要，所以不要各自无聊地虚度一个又一个周五晚上。你们可以考虑相约一起看HBO频道的电影，通过视频聊天软件共进晚餐，或者一边煲电话粥一边散步，聊聊你们这周发生的事情。

"We become closer to others through spending time with them and a great way to do this is through some kind of activity," says Dr. Alisha Powell, LCSW, a therapist and licensed clinical social worker. "Long distance makes it more challenging, but watching movies, having dinner together, or video chatting while doing the same activity can increase emotional intimacy.”

临床社工艾丽莎·鲍威尔博士说：“我们和他人的感情因为共度时光而变得更加亲密，加深感情的一个好方法就是一起做某件事。这对异地恋情侣来说可能更难，但是一起看电影、用餐或一边做同样的事一边视频聊天可以让感情更亲密。”

5. You Neglect Your Own Lives

你忽视了自己的个人生活

Too much of a good thing can sometimes be a problem. For example, if you"re both working hard to create a healthy relationship, it can get to the point where most of your time is spent thinking about each other. While that’s adorable, you need to take care of yourselves, as well as your partnership, in order for it to last.

有时候过犹不及。举例而言，如果你们都在努力经营这段感情，你们可能大多数时间都在思念对方。尽管这样很甜蜜，但是除了经营好感情，你也需要照顾好自己，感情才能长长久久。

As Powell says, “It’s important for both partners to have their own lives so that they won’t end up resenting each other." It’s totally OK to put your phone down, take a breather, see friends, or spend some time alone.

正如鲍威尔所说：“异地恋情侣有各自的生活很重要，这样他们最后才不会怨恨彼此。”你完全可以把手机放下，让自己喘口气，见见朋友，或花些时间独处。

英文来源：Bustle

翻译&编辑：丹妮

来源：中国日报网